13. Flippin Wankers (Maybe he moved to London and got british on you.)

Reinventing oneself is great but turn off the fake cockney accent if you
run into somebody from your former lookbook.
"You like my new gritty swagger?..
it really turns girls on luv."


12. Understanding Subtleties

When a woman is being eloquently suggestive....Take a hint.
Know when to accept a come on.COME ON!
Real quote from a real friend:
"And he partied til 3am and i fell asleep so he didn't come.
Neither did I.
Better luck next time..."


11. On a roll

Please make sure that you have a good bed to go with the sheets from rule number 1.
No one likes sexy time on a bed with wheels. Unless you offer seat belts for safer rides. Otherwise find other accommodations until further notice.
"There I was in my good silk and this fool's bed was asymmetrical....and he didn't even fit in the bed. After all of that acceptance on my part the whole thing lasted 5 seconds."-true story! shame! shame! shame! that deserves a whole other entry..

10. Pet Names

Girl or Guy, never is it appropriate to start referring to
sex or your genitalia with a whimsical and childlike fancy or preschool like nickname...jokes are one thing, but phrases such as "Jack and his bean stalk" and "enter Miss Fee Fee's playhouse" should never come out of your mouth! Especially on the cusp of sexual interaction.

Stick to the basics and don't pick a cutesy name that makes your lover cringe..instant dry up/ softee. Always a no go.

9. Where Preperation meets Oppurtunity

This sign should be on the inside of your brain:

Women: Don't wear baggy Jane Fonda draws while trying to seduce a man.

Men: Please If there are holes in your boxers refer to the following:

Everyone: Fling them in the trash receptacle while no one's looking.

The Management

8. Freshness and Etiquette

If your feet are harsh, course or just plain gross in anyway....keep your socks on.. Don't get up to go pee...and say so....while in the middle of for play....assassinates the mood.

If you sweat profusely, opt for the bottom position, and possibly powder yourself prior.
A sensual massage with corn silk powder can be a nice way to set it off and mask the dampness to come.
Keep brand new wash cloths bedside for the post love making clean up.

7. Timing

Dont propose hypothetical situations of
"I bet we'd have cute babies"before,during or after the first time.
Way too early for all that.Enjoy the blissful moment and work on a relationship not a new BM candidate.
side note: If you don't know what a "BM"or a "BD" is ignorance is bliss..get a ring first and propose that instead.

6. Know your Demographic

You gotta know who your marketing to. On the first time...keep it "Brick n Mortar" don't try your new stuff on the first attempt. Pole dancing course work included!
For instance, if your for play consists of the poetic justice
thing...make sure your audience is a member of the "Shea Butter All Stars".

5. Edge up

Ladies and Gentlemen! Make sure you trim or wax your "Bonsai" front AND back.

For those of you with dreadlocks please twist your roots, trim feeble pieces and most of all dry your hair completely. Mold smell is not to be confused with natural pheromones.
You dont want to accidentally leave a lock of love behind unless you're getting paid for it.

4. Proper Appropriation of Tongue

Tongue gymnastics should definitely be reserved when the hot and heavy is upon thee.
*Do learn Tongue Kung Fu
Yes the master of this has all the glory up and downstairs. As matter of fact you get an elevator key for taking it to the next level!

To all these fake-ass "where for art thous" running around. Don't kiss like a dog lapping up water with a serious face on...if the romantic drama isn't there don't force it. Slow kisses are always better! The tension will build naturally.

No KODs (kissing on the dance floor). That was, and still is annoying public displays of affection. The dance floor is not the most romantic spot anyway.
Mostly when you are not the one enjoying the action,
kissing or groping in public makes onlookers feel like they are watching National Geographic! Sensor the mating urges and lets keep the dance floor for what it was intended...to dance!

3. Take caution during urges of EMO expressions

During climax no screaming or wimpering, crying during sex or any signs of a manic depressive temperament.Its to scary; messes up the stroke....its unecessary...and so uncooth.

2. The Morning After. Don't loose the steam of last night!

If you feel so inclined to cook a warm breakfast in the morning as a loving gesture make sure the food is served while hot! (especially if its eggs) Also if you cant cook a nice fruit salad will do or a strong cup of coffee.

Tip: Keep a glass of water or refreshing beverage by the bed side counter act that halitosis or garlic breath from that wonderful Penne Ala vodka from last night's date. Always preserve the sex appeal in the morning. Its an on going quest to stay in the caliber that you were wooed as. wink!
Pack a small kit of reinforcements:
travel kit including:
fresh underwear, lotion, oral hygiene kit, brush, hairpins, makeup and or small bottle of gel.

1. Sheet Requirements

Please purchase 500 and up thread count on those sheets!
There is nothing worse than a rough night on coarse sheets! Be accommodating to your guest and up your thread count!